Thursday, July 22, 2010

PhD in Parenting

Still feeling guilty about going back to work, and stumbled upon this great post on Dr. Phil's Stay at home Mom Vs. Working mom show.

PhD in Parenting

stay at home vs the working mom

i have a neighbor that I mostly really like, but she continually rants about how much work it is to be a stay at home mom. These rants are peppered with snide remarks about nannies "raising the children" on the street, kids calling thier nanny "Mommy" and daycares and dayhomes being a threat to the safety of children everywhere. Of course, I used a dayhome with DS #1 and am getting a nanny upon my return to work, facts which she is well aware. We live in a well to do neighborhood, so she also comments that anyone living around us doesn't "need to work". Yep, guess I should quit my job and move to government housing - that would really give my offspring a leg up. This, from a woman who stops breastfeeding at 5 months because it's no longer convenient and feeds her baby canned food. We all make our choices.

I'm on mat leave with my second child, and to be honest, it is WAY less work than a full-time job, plus parenting & life maintenance (groceries,laundry,and all that fun stuff). As a stay at home mom, I read the paper everyday. I relish a coffee, often outside in the sun while my kids play in the sand box or climb up and down the slide. I have time to check my facebook account and time to write a blog. When I go back to work, most of these wonderful parts of my day will disappear. I get to make my kids breakfast, lunch and dinner, and have naps with them in a big pile of blankets. It's awesome, and I appreciate it becuase it is fleeting - I will be going back to work. Maybe being at home with her kids really is hard work, as I often hear her screaming at her children in utter despair, and god bless her poor husband, who gets home from work, makes dinner and then gets yelled at about every 10 minutes for not completely taking over the parenting upon entry to the house.

I wouldn't mind staying at home, but went to school for a long time to have a career that I really love and that pays me very well. Better than hubby makes. Financial stability and lifestyle choices result in me partly wanting to work, and partly needing to work. So I stare at the fence as she rants, and uncharacteristically say nothing, run to my blog and vent. Thanks for listening.

distance creates the closest families

So, I'm back from 3 weeks with my family. And while the visits with individual aunts, uncles, cousins and brothers were good, my dad's girlfriend could not have been more poorly behaved. Rewind - my mother died of cancer 4 years ago and the hag moved in a year later, much to my horribly lonely fathers delight. the children, myself included, all dislike her for various reasons but this visit took the cake, rallying her to such ultimatums as "you need to choose - your children or me!" Who says such a thing. The sister in law noone likes also threw a tantrum resulting in one brother now avoiding all family functions for some indeterminate time. Living away from my family has been a source of angst for me for 15 years, as I miss the big get togethers and events and think my children will grow up restless and flightly by not having the village of family to watch over them. But in church last sunday, reflecting on all the great things my life has brought our family, i vowed to stop the cycle, and act with love and forgiveness in dealing with the crabby girlfriend and mentally unstable sister in law. Good luck to me, eh?